The metaphor of fire is used in the book because the author proports that nothing is more essential to the human experience. Our most distant ancestors depended on fire for survival and the use of fire is what separates humans from non-humans. Now, more than ever, we need new elders among us. New elders are different from societies perception of “the elderly.” What we need in life is available only if we know how to look for it. The book endeavors to be a guide to self-actualization in the second half of life and to help others understand that what really matters in life depends on giving it all back.
We aspire to a purposeful sense of self in elderhood. Now more than ever, we need new elders among us. New elders are natural resources needed today by family, community, organizations, and the Earth.
1. Identity: Recalling our stories
a. Principle: Wisdom
b. Fire starter Question: Who Am I
3. Community: Re-finding our place
a. Principal: Intimacy
b. Firestarter Question: Where do I belong?
4. Passion: Renewing our calling
a. Principal: Caring
b. Firestarter Question: What do I care about?
5. Meaning: Reclaiming our purpose
a. Principal: Meaning
b. Firestarter Question: What is My Legacy?
The 4 flames of vital aging are Identity, Community, Passion, and Meaning.
Identity: Recalling our stories
c. Principle: Wisdom
d. Fire starter Question: Who Am I
To set a path for the second half of our lives, we have to know where we’ve come from in the first half. The end of our explorations “will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” (T. S. Eliot)
Elders teach by story. However, this means more than reminiscing about “the good old days.” Rather it is an ability to touch the lives of other in a manner that brings the story alive in the present, through the past.
Many older adults try to live the second half of their lives the way they lived the first half. Modern elders accept the biology but reject the psychology. The have shifted from “age-ing” to “sage-ing”.
To set a path for the second half of our lives, we have to know where we’ve come from in the first half. Most of us have been too busy writing the story of our life in the first half to be able to read it.
By becoming better acquainted with our own story we more fully understand the stories of others. We often move from an egocentric view of reality to one that is more universal.
We either continue to grow or we die.
For many people, retirement is a roleless role. That type of retirement can turn purposeful lives into casualties. Finishing our lives is a better understood as “putting a finish” on our lives: burnishing our character to a high gloss. We may retire from our jobs, but there is no relaxing from our individual callings.
Walking is an activity that can help in the process of renewing our stories. Sage adults have long sung the praises of walking as a means of self-understanding.
The big questions are never fully answered. We should be making the same inquires of ourselves at 60 that we did at 6. Never stop wondering why we’re here. The four elements of the good life – place, people, work, and purpose – continue to beg for attention at every stage of our lives.
Let those that I love know that I love them-not for whom I expect them to be, but for whom they are.
Too many people live fully for only a short time and extend the dying process far too long. Mid-life is a time when it may be possible to recover the life we have lost in living.
We may at times be unemployed or retired but no one ever becomes uncalled.
Silence can be a conduit to understanding.
By enabling us to reconnect with our own past, it brings about a new relationship to the future.
Elderstories provide guidance to oneself and to the listener. Elderstories connect our own experience to something more universal.
The big questions are never fully answered. Living a purposeful life means continually making the inquiries.
The 4 elements of the good life-place, people, work, and purpose continue to beg for attention at every stage of our lives.
Re-finding our place. Where do I belong?
Changes in relationships work, and physical health naturally precipitate the need to reconsider our sense of place. Contemporary Western culture doesn’t do a good job of holding a place for elders; it’s up to each of us, therefore, to claim our place by focusing on that which sustains and renews us. We do this by recognizing what we have to offer our communities and figuring out the best way to share it. In doing so, we make ourselves a resource for success in our communities and carve out the place in which we belong.
Ultimately, the place we are looking for is somewhere within us. We must journey inward as well as outward to find or place in the world.
Some of the questions we can ask ourselves to determine our place involve climate, the physical environment that makes us feel at home, medical and social services, cultural activities, opportunities to express calling through community work, proximity to family.
Home is where we are most needed and our needs are best met.
Some people complain that they are no longer needed in the second half of life. Then it is important to find a way to help: community organizations, volunteer work or a pet.
Place, in the second half of life, is a moving target. We should continually introspect about where we are and what makes us feel a sense of belonging.
The Flame of Passion: Renewing Our Calling
A vital part of vital aging is passion – doing what we care about.
For many of us, the second half of life is the first real chance we’ve half to define ourselves and to live in a manner of our choosing.
We need to be needed: An inordinate percentage of older adults die with 24 to 36 weeks of retirement. People feel they have nothing to live for and soon, they don’t.
The real key to aliveness in our later years is to touch the lives of others especially those younger than us. From the perspective of youth, there are lots of old people who talk about the past; there are fewer new elders who engage in issues relevant to the present. Being an elder is more about growing whole than growing old. Hope is most powerfully stimulated by taking part in something that will bear fruit in the lives of others.
The Flame of Meaning: Reclaiming our Purpose
Most of the new elders interviewed for this book are proud to be an elder, not ashamed. They appreciate the deepening of creativity and ripening of soul that is impossible in earlier years. Caught up in the eternal quest to stay young, we are often unaware of the growth and transcendence possible in the second half of life. Everyone interviewed for this book referred to an event that heightened awareness of their mortality. During the second half of life purpose is on our minds.
One of the things that happens as we age is that we get closer and closer to those who came before us. Whatever your theological or spiritual bent, you will do well in the second half to find new ways to attune to your spiritual side. This wellspring of emerging spirituality becomes a source of greater power and fulfillment.
Many people fear “having lived a meaningless life.” Naming one’s purpose helps us overcome this fear and is perhaps the most critical activity we can engage in the second half of life. Crafting a personal purpose statement can answer the questions “What do I stand for? What is my core?”
Keeping the Fire Alive: Claim Your Place At The Fire
There are at least three times when we ought to be required to go off on a retreat to sit by a fire and reflect on the next stage of our lives: when we choose our vocation, when we choose a life partner, and when we contemplate retirement. Something happens when we sit before a fire. New feelings and visions emerge.
Growing older offers a distinctive opportunity for growing whole. If people in the second half of life are not encouraged to deal with their aging as a vital stage of growth, the rest of us are cut off from the wisdom that only the most experienced among us can provide.
New elders and elderly are not the same thing. New elders today have more time to age before they become elderly. “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be. The last of life for which the first was made.”